Good grief!

My friend's death had a much bigger impact on me than I would have thought. One consequence was the inertia it caused, including writing up this blog. I suspect that it's been a form of self indulgence.

I noticed that when I grieve, my thoughts are all about me not her; how I won't see her again I won't meet her for our bar gossip next month or receive random text jokes from her anymore, she won't be sailing with me next summer.

At first I kidded myself that I was thinking of her. But then I saw I was using her memory to think about myself. To emerge from grief means I must accept it for what it is - a feeling - not for the loss of a person, but a deep sadness of an unfulfilled expectation or idea of what my life might have been had she still been here.